The Da Vinci Code for Dummies

I got to watch The Da Vinci Code yesterday afternoon, and I finally realized why it’s so controversial: it requires the moviegoer to deposit his/her brain at the ticket booth before entering (Oh my God!).

The movie’s scandalous nature does not stop there, though. Consider: the always watchable but seriously miscast Tom Hanks is reduced to being Dan Brown’s dummy (Lord, have mercy!). The normally charming but equally miscast Audrey Tautou is nothing more than a bland sounding board (Christ, have mercy!) The fantastic Ian McKellen, though he makes the most of his role, is ultimately wasted (Lord, have mercy!). If these actors found very little meat in their roles, Paul Bettany hams it up as Silas (God, save us!). Nothing divinely inspired here. (Lord, hear our prayer!)

But I have to admit, Brown's premises still intrigue me. Not only that, the movie moves along at a very even pace (Thanks be to God!) and the second half is actually leaner than its counterpart in the book (Praise the Lord!).

All things considered, a regrettable waste. It doesn't even thrill. And to think the Catholic hierarchy, and certain conservative Catholics, made a fuss of a movie that wasn't worth fussing.

Oh, the many things I could do with the script. (Lord, give me strength!)