A Funny Thing Happened Last Night

Early evening. In an air-conditioned classroom in U.P. A handful of graduate-level students sit around a table, enjoying a 15-minute break: AID, a freelance writer; NYB, a seminarian; JRL, a middle-aged lady; BJP, an English teacher and amateur photographer; and PPL, a chinky-eyed, big-bodied weirdo. They are preparing for the next story up for discussion.

NYB: (Looks at AID.) What’s Arvin’s surname again?

AID: Mangohig.

NYB: (Scribbles the surname on his copy of the story.) I thought his name was Alvin Yapan. Who’s Alvin Yapan?

AID: He’s a teacher at the Ateneo. Filipino Department.

JRL: (Looks at AID.) Oh, I thought you’re Alvin Yapan. But who’s Alvin Yapan again?

AID: He’s a teacher at the Ateneo. He has won Palancas for Fiction in Filipino.

PPL: (Suddenly, eagerly.) I know someone who writes for the Graphic named Alvin Dacanay. (Looks at AID.) You know him?

BJP looks at AID, then at PPL and widens his eyes in disbelief.

AID: (A beat.) Uh, I’m Alvin Dacanay.

PPL looks at AID, looking stupid. NYB and JRL stare at PPL in disbelief. The Twilight Zone theme music is faintly heard in the background.